2 young men kissing and playing in the shower
Heaven On Earth Ch. 09
Chapter 9: Those Eyes
It was wonderful to be able to stay in bed and relax. Brian and I cuddled in the afterglow of great sex. I took one of his hands in mine and brought it to my mouth kissing each individual finger. We shifted position and Brian pushed himself into me resting his head against my bare chest. I breathed in the smell of his hair. We both sank into the pillows. For a while I thought he had gone to sleep but then I felt him caressing my side. I sighed at his touch. Nothing else on Earth was like this. All good things must come to an end.
Evan I want you to see a psychiatrist.
This whole thing with Laura has been really hard on you. You need to talk to someone about it.
Brian I m fine. I m over it. I pushed him away from me and sat up.
He adjusted himself so that his head was propped up on his hand. Then why are we in the guest bedroom instead of your room?
I m just a little uncomfortable being in there right now. It only happened last week you know.
And why do you tense up every time you come around the corner from your room and into the hall? Isn t that where Laura nailed you?
Brian what s your point?
My point is that you can t live like this.
It s my nerves that s all. Can we drop it? I moved back down the bed hoping that I could submerge myself in the mattress.
Suddenly Brian whipped himself up and was on top of me. So how do you feel about this Evan?
Cut it out Brian I said.
You re strong babe but what s it like when you can t move? He tightened his legs around my torso so that I was pinned but couldn t throw him off with my legs. He grabbed my arms and pulled them above my head. I tried to break free but he was holding me very firmly.
Brian stop it. My voice was weak.
And if I leaned down and took advantage of you like this? Still holding my arms he moved forward and ran his tongue across my lips. I struggled fiercely but Brian was incredibly strong. There was no way I could get the right leverage to throw him off me. The intensity in his eyes was nothing short of frightening. I cried out in anguish and gave up.
Brian please don t hurt me I said softly.
And with that he let me go. He sat next to me and stared at me with those eyes. It took me a few minutes to recover. My breathing was hard and I was starting to cry but I managed to speak with some clarity.
Why did you do that?
You needed to see how you would react. This is why I want you to talk to somebody. You re not even comfortable with me. You don t trust me not to hurt you.
Brian that was just cruel.
Evan maybe it was a bit much but these feelings aren t going to go away if you internalize them.
They re also not going to go away if you try to traumatize me all over again.
I didn t really understand why he was acting like this. As much as I loved him Brian s strange mood shifts were perplexing. I suppose it was part of him being more of an introvert than I was as though I missed large portions of his thought process but I didn t see the reason why he would switch from being so loving to being so harsh. He stood up from the bed and put on his underwear. I m just giving you something to think about babe. How could he call me babe at that moment? He walked out of the room with the rest of his clothes leaving me on the bed still in shock.
I laid there staring at the ceiling for quite some time. Brian had been right to a certain degree. He had scared the hell out of me but did I really have any reason to be afraid like I was? Giving up on feeling sorry for myself I put on my clothes and headed for the front door. Brian was indulging himself in a pint of ice cream that he had stored in my freezer. I didn t say anything as I passed him in the kitchen until he said
Where are you going?
For a walk I said shortly.
I opened the front door and slammed it on my way out. I started walking without much direction or care as to where I would end up. It felt rather silly to be going through these highs and lows in a relationship within the time span of a few hours. It was a beautiful summer afternoon in New York City. I sincerely regret not taking advantage of days like this more often. Eventually I wandered into Washington Square Park. Since it was midday not much was going on. A few people played with their dogs others ate lunch and the people that were obviously tourists snapped an endless number of pictures and pointed at the tall buildings. I bought a hot dog from a vendor and settled down on a bench near the arch. What was it going to take to get rid of my fear and frustration? Moving out of my apartment would give me a new environment a fresh start but I certainly didn t want to leave it not to mention the difficulty of switching apartments with the limited help Uncle James could give me. Maybe Brian was right maybe therapy was the best solution.
What d he do this time? came a rich southern voice from behind me.
I didn t have to turn around to answer. How d you guess?
Erica came around to the front of the bench and sat down next to me. You re sitting out here alone looking very melancholy. It could only be one thing.
Why are you out here?
I come out here to think and find inspiration. Call me crazy but I do my best thinking with crowds of people and noise. Drownin the sound out lets me focus and concentrate. But don t change the subject. What s goin on?
It s nothing I said taking another bite of my hot dog. Brian decided to practice a little psychology on me.
Meaning he pinned me to the bed and pretended to take advantage of me. He was trying to convince me that I should go to a psychiatrist.
To confront all these feelings you have about what happened?
Well that s nicer than what I would have said. I would have told you to go and face Laura.
What? I swear the entire world had gone mad.
This is something that has obviously hurt you probably deeper than you realize. And you need to do whatever it takes to get it out of your system. I m betting that you haven t even talked to Jane since last week.
My silence admitted the truth for me. Erica put her hand on my knee. Hun it s a heavy and unnecessary burden to carry this around with you everywhere you go. What s worse is that whatever you re going through is passed on to Brian. And I know for a fact that he would do anything he could to take the pain away but it s not something he can do on his own.
It s not something that I can get through on my own either.
Which is why you have each other. I know his behavior must have seemed shocking but Brian has nothing but the best intentions for you at heart.
I thoughtfully crammed a bite of hot dog into my mouth. I understood perfectly why Brian felt the need to do it but I still couldn t believe that he purposely made me that uncomfortable.
Maybe you should go back and talk to him about this instead of sitting out here.
My only response was to take another bite. Erica wise soul that she was sensed that I wasn t going to say anything else. She kissed my cheek and walked over to another bench that was farther away.
I tossed the last small pieces of hot dog bun for the pigeons and squirrels to pick up. They attacked and pecked away at them like there was no tomorrow. The wind shifted and my nose was greeted by one of my favorite smells.
Don t you think it s unwise to follow someone that has angrily stormed out on you? I asked.
Only if I don t care about him came the reply.
Brian moved around to the front of the bench and sat so that there was about a foot between us. I didn t look at him I continued to stare out into the park. I knew that one look into his eyes would erase all of my anger and I wanted to be angry with him because I felt like I had a reason to be.
Evan I m not sorry for what I did he said.
Good because I m not sorry for walking out on you.
In a simple gesture of his affection Brian moved closer to me looped his arm through mine and laced our fingers together. He brought our hands to his mouth and kissed my fingers.
I love you he softly whispered.
Without hesitation I answered back I love you too. Let s go back to your apartment so we can talk about this.
I rose from the bench with him and gathered my strength to look at him for the first time. I m still mad at you you know?
He nodded his head.
And it s our apartment now. He gave me a slight smile.
Our hands were still locked together and he gave me a gentle squeeze. Neither of us said anything until we were back in the apartment. I disarmed the alarm while he sat down on one of the couches. He motioned for me to sit next to him but he wasn t getting off that easily. I sat down on an opposite chair crossed my arms and legs and waited for him to speak. Sure it was childish anger but it effectively got across the way I felt.
He took a deep breath before beginning to speak. Evan I don t want this whole ordeal to be more painful than it has to be. You need to find peace of mind and I don t think there s anything that I can do for you.
I ll be ok in time Bri. I really don t think there s a need for me to talk to anyone especially given the fact that I am not comfortable with psychiatrists.
I know you think you re fine babe butвЂ”
Brian I spent half of my childhood bouncing around from shrink to shrink talking out problems with my mother and my sister. Not one of them actually gave a damn about us much less helped us to resolve any of our problems.
That doesn t mean that you won t have better luck this time. A good family friend of ours practices here in the city. I grew up with her younger brother.
I m going to be starting school next month. I m not going to have time for any of that.
You can t keep living like this Evan.
The hell I can t! There s nothing wrong with me!
Brian didn t say anything he only looked at me with those deep blue eyes. Brian that isn t going to work I protested. Nothing. No it s not doing anything. Damn him.
Brian stood up from the couch and came over to my chair. He placed his hands on my knees in the same way that I had put mine on his when I asked him to date me. Evan please.
Brian please don t ask me this.
My voice lowered. Brian…
I bent down and kissed his head through his dark thick hair. I can t Bri.
Yes you can.
No not even for you.
His head dropped to rest on my legs. At least let me give you her number and you can think about for a little while. I can t bear to see you go on like this.
Ok I conceded. But don t ask me again.
My distaste for psychiatrists went much deeper than I could explain in words. Brian couldn t understand what therapy had done to me as a kid. It was session after session of listening to my mother lie about our lives our family situation. God only knows what she said when she went in there alone with the doctor. She always told Maria and me not to contradict anything that we said. We were supposed to go along with her lies. I do remember that she was always able to come up with some excuse for not being able to pay and somehow she got away with it. My mother was an amazing woman. Certainly amazing.
I gathered Brian into my arms and pulled us both into a standing position. He held me tightly to his body and rested his head and my shoulder. I could tell that he was tired of arguing with me but there was no way I could give in. I m a Leo we can be very stubborn like that.
I m not exactly sure how long we stood there holding each other but the phone snapped us both back to reality. I picked it up and answered Hello?
Hello? I repeated.
I hung up. Brian raised an eyebrow and looked at me. Who was it? he asked.
I don t know no one said anything.
He made a thoughtful grunt. Well let s get lunch. I m starved.
No thanks I already ate. I think I m going to take a nap I said. His eyes searched mine for a more detailed answer but I merely stared back at him for a moment before turning and walking into my bedroom and shutting the door. There was nothing wrong with me. I could sleep in my own bed if I had to. I was only a little bothered by being in the same place that I was raped. I curled up on top of the blankets and pressed my head into the pillow that was beginning to smell like Brian. I tried to focus on anything but the incident with Laura from the past Wednesday. I heard Brian shut the front door. I listened to the raspy sound of my breath against the pillow. I thought about how much my life had changed in the short time of a month. It all happened so quickly but I was so happy that I stopped noticing how overwhelming it was. I never thought I could fall in love so easily. I never thought that someone could love me so much. Eventually I fell into an uneasy sleep.
Ask me to define the word nightmare and I ll describe the dream I had that afternoon. Brian and I were back in the bathtub like we were the previous week. I had told him how much he meant to me and began to snuggle myself into his chest as he held me from behind. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water and his body. Without warning Brian s arms relaxed around me and his head slumped onto my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see his blood pouring over my body. I opened my mouth to scream but Laura s hand covered it as she grabbed my hair and pushed my head underwater.
I woke up with Brian gently shaking my shoulder and whispering my name. My eyes wide with terror focused on him and all I could see was the fear and concern that dominated his face. I had to grab his face with both hands to prove to myself that he was actually there.
Baby it s me. I m here he said. A deep cry of relief escaped my lips. It s alright he said. It was only a dream.
I still couldn t respond my mouth was dry with fear. Do you want to talk about it? he asked but I shook my head. He kissed my forehead and I buried my head in his chest. I breathed deeply as he lovingly stroked my hair. I stayed there for at least ten minutes allowing his presence to calm me. I pulled away and lightly brushed my lips against his.
Brian don t leave me I whispered.
Come on he said standing up with me. We walked into the kitchen where he grabbed a glass of water and handed it to me. He also pulled a plastic carton out of the refrigerator and gave it to me.
Caramel cheesecake. Your favorite he said.
Thanks I said. I picked at the cheesecake for a little while before eating it. Brian was washing dishes in the sink on the other side of the bar as he watched me eat. Sometimes I don t know why you put up with me I said.
You already know the answer to that he replied softly. Eat your cheesecake.
Do you want any?
No I already had a piece. There s another piece for you in the fridge if you want one later.
I went back to eating for a moment before I said Do you have to go to your apartment and finish any work?
No there s nothing pressing me to have it all done for tomorrow. Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?
You know I m not. I finished a couple more bites and decided to put the rest away. I checked the clock on the microwave and saw that it was almost 6 o clock. I had been asleep for nearly four hours but it felt like I hadn t slept at all. I moved next to Brian and began helping him wash and dry. I should really get this dishwasher repaired shouldn t I?
I never minded doing the dishes when I was younger he said. It was easier than all the other chores. He chuckled for a moment before continuing. I used to flick water at our dog and laugh while he blinked and crinkled his nose.
Like this? I asked splashing a large amount of water onto Brian s face. I cracked up as he wiped the water from his eyes.
No he said it was a little more like this. He plunged his hand into the soapy water and drenched my thin t-shirt.
No fair! I protested. You used soap. That could have gotten in my eyes.
I resent that! I have very good aim.
Oh right because there s a science to plunging one s fist into water I laughed.
Of course there is he said smiling brightly.
I rolled my eyes at him and went back to work. In a moment of mischief I grabbed the extendable spray head and hosed him down. He was absolutely soaked from head to toe.
Now who s not playing fair?
Me I said innocently.
He intensely fixed those blue eyes on me. Evan put down the hose.
N-no I stammered jokingly afraid of what he might do.
Put down the hose he repeated taking a step towards me.
I pointed it at him again but he shook his head and laughed. I can t get any more wet than I already am. Realizing that he was right I dropped the hose and ran out of the kitchen sprinting for the second bathroom. Brian was right behind me and he burst into the bathroom before I got a chance to lock him out. He grabbed me and planted a hot kiss on my lips. If I hadn t accepted the fact that I was gay before I would have in that moment because that man made me melt. He actually kissed me so forcefully that I fell back onto the closed toilet with Brian on top of me straddling my legs.
He pulled away from me with a huge grin on his face. I win he said.
If that s what I get for losing I don t want to think of what you get for winning.
I m sure you could think of something he said licking his lips. I ll collect my prize later. Right now I ve got to change clothes.
In hindsight it s incredible how Brian knew exactly how to get my mind off things. I still say that he s better than anything therapy could offer me but I know now that it was a heavy burden for me to put on him.
He walked into the extra bedroom and I followed him with a questioning look on my face. Brian what are you doing? You don t have any clothes in here.
He began taking off his clothes revealing his tanned body. I know he said tossing his pants at me. I pulled my shirt over my head as he climbed onto the bed and spread his legs.
I decided what I want for my prize he said.
Brian sighed and moaned as I sucked on his neck later that evening. My hands roamed the rest of his body caressing all the spots where I knew I could get the biggest reaction out of him. I pulled back from him and admired his entire body. He was absolutely gorgeous. I did snicker at the contrast in skin color between the rest of his body and his upper thighs.
The laughing is doing wonders for my self-esteem babe.
I m sorry I said I find it funny how someone who is as pale as you can tan so well.
He followed my gaze to his legs. A smile formed on his face when he too saw the drastic difference between his normal complexion and his summer tan. Well not all of us can have a naturally beautiful skin tone like you he snorted. I laughed and resumed kissing his neck.
Maybe it s the Anglo-Italian blood that saves me he muttered. The pasty white British mixed with the olive skinned people ofвЂ” I moved lower and closed my lips around one of his nipples which cut off his talking.
I kissed back up his chest to his chin and nibbled on that for a while before I slowly kissed his lips. We were pressed so closely together that I felt the vibrations in his chest and stomach as he growled. When I broke the kiss we were both staring into each other s eyes.
How do you ever expect me to stay mad at you when I love you so much? I asked.
I guess I ll have to try harder to be less endearing.
I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. I rolled off him and pressed my back against his chest. He kissed the back of my neck sending chills up and down my body. Brian wrapped one of his arms around my torso and pulled me in close. Before long I could feel the rhythmic breathing as he slept.
Only a few minutes later I heard a loud clicking at the front door. Quickly I yanked on the wet pants from the floor and entered the living room. The clicking noise persisted. I tiptoed to the door and realized that the sounds were coming from the outside and the handle was jiggling. I looked out the peephole and into the hall. The head was down looking at the keyhole and fumbling with the lock but the beautiful auburn hair was unmistakable. Jane.
For a fraction of a second I considered opening the door but Erica s warning about Jane clicked in my head. Why on Earth was Jane trying to get into the apartment without knocking? All of her stuff had been cleared out and she hadn t called me to tell me that she was coming. In fact there was no reason for her to come at all. The handle continued to jiggle as she tried her key unaware of the changed locks. As I started to go grab the phone she gave up and left. I thought about calling the police anyway but I reasoned that it wouldn t have done anything considering she did have a key to the apartment. More importantly the police had the key that Laura had used to get in as evidence but Jane had another key. Whatever it was about it certainly made me more suspicious of Jane.
I walked back into the bedroom where Brian was still sleeping. I had never realized how empty I felt before I met him. He was rolled over on his stomach and I took a seat next to him. I ran my hands up and down his smooth back stopping at the crack of his ass and moving back up to his shoulder blades. Thinking about Jane gave me a twinge of fear that I was going to lose him. I would have given up anything to keep him with me. I bent down and kissed his shoulder. I knew that I could be childish selfish and spoiled I was young despite what I wanted to think. But somehow I had done something to deserve a lover like him. We had a quick and strong connection based on the mutual understanding that we both needed stability and love in our lives. Some people tried for years to have what we had in a month. How lucky could I possibly be?
I let the tears roll down my face. Brian stirred beneath my fingertips. The way he blinked and opened his eyes made me want to start kissing him all over again. He rolled over and smiled warmly at me.
Hi I said.
Hi yourself. What s wrong babe? Why are you crying?
I was just thinking about us and how lucky I am to have you.
Come here he said as he pulled me in for a long kiss. It wasn t rough or rushed he kissed me with meaning with the same kind of longing that I had for him. I feel the same way he said. How long was I asleep?
Not long. You only dozed off for about fifteen minutes. Actually we had a visitor while you were sleeping.
He immediately sat straight up. Is she still here?
No she never came in. She was trying to get into the apartment with her old key.
Brian cocked one eyebrow at me. Well that s more than a little odd. I wonder why she would try to come in uninvited.
I have no idea but we should be on our guard. I m beginning to think that Erica was right in saying that Jane had some part in Laura s attack.
Brian thought about this for a moment. Well there s nothing we can do or really say about it right now. In the meantime we should have dinner.
Are you always hungry? I joked.
No but I d say we had a pretty intense workout that gave me an appetite. How about we go down to my apartment and I can make dinner for us?
Sounds good to me.
Rather than let him go downstairs in his still wet clothes. I took him to my room and tossed him a couple of things to put on. I know we weren t going far but it would be pretty uncomfortable to walk around in his clothes. Of course I wouldn t have minded if he walked around naked but something told me that there would be a slight problem with that. Brian was virtually the same height as me only a little taller and a little more muscular so I deliberately tossed him some of my smaller clothes. He put them on and gave me an unamused smirk when he realized how tight they were.
I think you look great I said.
I chuckled to myself as I put on some drier clothes. He snuck up behind me as I was fishing through the drawers and started tickling me. I regretted the day he found out that I was ticklish but there wasn t much I could do to stop him anyway. I fell into his attack and collapsed in a fit of laughter in his arms.
Absolutely evil that s what you are I gasped out.
He cackled as we headed downstairs with him walking in front of me so that I could keep my eyes on him. Once in the apartment and in the kitchen I started pulling out food insisting that I help with dinner. Brian gave me a fearful look but he decided to let me do it anyway. He pulled out some noodles and sauce for making lasagna. My job was to make sure the meat didn t burn and Brian would take care of the seasoning. He steamed some vegetables while I unceremoniously dumped some rolls into a pan and popped them in the oven. As we were finishing up the preparation Brian said that he was going to his room to change into some real clothes.
But Bri your ass looks so hot in those pants.
He shot me a glare as he walked towards the bedroom. He was nearly bursting out of the jeans I gave him. He returned a few minutes later with a black book and was flipping through the pages.
Thinking about throwing me away for some old flings? I asked.
No it s my address book. I was going to give you the name of the therapist my family knows. Here she is. Kennedy Blaine. He scribbled down her name and number on one of the back pages of the book and ripped it out.
I took it from him without any discussion if only to avoid another argument like the one we had earlier. We sat down to a wonderful dinner and the best part was that I only burned the bottoms of the rolls. Conversation with Brian was so easy that we could sit down and talk for hours. Neither of us realized that two hours had passed since we sat down when there was a knock on the door.
Brian got up to answer the door. I began to clear the table of the dishes. It was so late that it didn t take a psychic to know who it was. Erica walked into the apartment and gave it a once over.
Is there a reason why you haven t packed up your stuff? she asked Brian with her hands held firmly on her hips.
We re getting to it he replied falsely hurt by her scolding.
I m sure you are she rolled her eyes.
I sat back in the kitchen laughing at them both. The interaction between Brian and Erica was quite amusing. They fought as though they had grown up together. It made me think of the way Jane and I used to be. I truly missed the amount of time that we used to spend together. It s not easy losing your best friend and even though having Brian meant a lot to me it didn t feel right to replace Jane s role in my life.
I must have been very lost in thought because I almost dropped the plate I was holding when Erica came up next to me and kissed my cheek. She didn t seem to notice that I was startled.
How are ya hun? You look a little tired.
I m fine I replied.
Well why don t you sit on the couch for a bit and I ll finish up here babe Brian said.
I didn t really understand the sudden concern from the two of them. It was a little late but I felt fine. Not wanting to protest I plopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Brian and Erica began talking about something in the kitchen but as long as I didn t try to listen to them I couldn t hear them over the sounds of Comedy Central.
Ten minutes later they came and sat down on either side of me on the couch. Brian got up a few seconds later and went to the bathroom.
Do you mind if we watch somethin else Evan? I watched Comedy Central while I was sick so I m a little tired of it said Erica.
I started feeling around the couch for the remote. I reached between the cushions and felt something hard and pulled it out. It wasn t the remote. It was a video tape labeled For Evan.
Erica started gushing over how sweet it was for Brian to make a tape for me. I smiled to myself basking in the warmth of new love. I love you too Bri! Thanks! I called.
For what? came the reply.
Not to ruin your moment sugah but I wanna watch it! Put it on!
I laughed at Erica s zeal as I pushed the tape into the VCR. There were a few moments of blue tape before we saw what was very obviously a homemade film. Brian was sitting on the bed in his room as the camera shot him straight on. The sound quality was not very good so it was difficult to identify the whine of the camera man s voice.
So why are you making this video?
Because I ve found the man that I want to spend my life with. I love him more than anything else Brian said.
And does he know you love him?
I know he does. I tell him I think about him all the time and that no one else is ever going to be as good for me as he is.
And does he love you?
I sure hope so.
Brian came back out of the bathroom.
What are you watching? he asked.
Erica quickly shushed him waving wildly at him. She loved the mushy stuff. Brian made an audible gasp as he looked at the video. He was almost to the VCR when a naked Noah stepped out from behind the camera.
You re damn right I love you. He pushed Brian back on the bed and started kissing him right as Brian was able to eject the tape.
We all stayed silent for a moment. Brian looked down at the tape Erica closed her eyes and I stared at Brian. Brian was the first one to speak.
Erica would you mind leaving for a bit?
Excuse me? After that horrible display you expect me toвЂ”
Erica go! he said with an unfamiliar harshness. I had never heard him speak to her like that.
She stood up and left the apartment without so much as another word or even a look back at us. Brian looked at me next.
Where did you get this? he almost whispered.
I was holding back tears. It was in the couch. It said it was for me so I thought you left it there for me.
He set the tape on top of the VCR and crossed the room to sit next to me. He reached over and tilted my chin so that I directly faced him. I thought I meant those words when I said them to him but there was always some doubt in my mind. I don t have any doubts with you please believe that.
I do Bri. I m not mad but it stings a bit you know?
He pulled me close to him and kissed my scarred cheek before he gently began to rock me in his arms. I don t know how on Earth that tape got here.
I think I can make a pretty good guess Bri.
But how? Noah hasn t been inside my apartment except for the one time when you were here. All the other times I ve met him at the door or the place where we were going.
I winced at the words all the other times but managed to keep a straight face. No one else has a way to get into your apartment right?
No no one. Noah never lived with me and I still have Chris key.
Or do you?
What are you getting at Evan?
He s obsessed with you Brian. Maybe he took Chris key and made a copy so that he would have a way into your apartment.
That seems a little extreme for him to do that without him telling me.
If my ex-girlfriend s sister can be a raving psycho-rapist then your ex-boyfriend that left a sex tape of you and him for me to see can copy a key.
I d rather not think about it too hard.
Perhaps at one point in my life I would have argued to continue talking and do something about Noah but having Brian around took the fight out of me. He snuggled up next to me and lay there for a few minutes.
Maybe if there s someone getting into my apartment we should go back upstairs.
Maybe if there s someone trying to get in we should stay here and scare whomever it is.
We don t know who or what s going on. It could be dangerous.
Alright I said but check one thing before we leave.
What s that?
Grab your extra key.
He stood up and went into the kitchen. I listened to him pull out a couple of drawers before he came back to the couch.
It s gone he said.
Are you sure you didn t put it somewhere else? I asked.
No I ve never had to use it a dark look came over his face.
Come on I said. We walked out of the apartment and he locked the door not that either of us felt any more secure with it locked.
Once we were back in our apartment Brian hugged me tightly. After a little while I pulled away and kissed his cheek.
I m so sorry you had to see that he said.
It s really okay. But I have to ask you…
What else is on the tape?
I silently nodded. He seemed to look straight through me staring at me at me for a minute or so before he exhaled deeply. Let s get ready for bed babe he said quietly.
He disappeared into the bedroom while I locked the door and turned on the alarm system. I could hear the shower running as I walked into the bathroom. Brian s clothes were in a small pile outside of the door and I followed suit and stepped in with him. There was nothing overly sexual about the shower it was simply our loving caresses and strokes. Brian kept hugging me a lot burying his head in the space between my neck and my shoulder. I had a feeling that there was something more on that tape other than ordinary sex between Brian and Noah.
The two of us laid in the second bedroom. Brian had fallen asleep with his head on my chest. I had my left arm lightly draped around him but despite how relaxing it was I couldn t sleep. Brian was not easily shaken by anything but seeing that video had thrown him for a loop. It had been nearly an hour since Brian went to sleep and my eyes were wide open gazing at the ceiling.
You re not sleeping he murmured.
I shifted my arm to let him sit up. No I m not.
You re still thinking about the video aren t you?
Yea Brian I am. You re beginning to worry me.
He took another one of those deep sighs. Evan I love you more than anything else. What I m about to tell you you re only the second person to hear it. And no the first was not Erica. I doubt that I ll ever tell her.
Now he had my undivided attention and then some. Who was it? Noah?
I could see him shake his head in the dim glow of the street lights. No Evan it was my therapist Kennedy Blaine.
I waited for him to continue. Whatever it was that was bothering him he was having an intensely hard time saying it.
I really want you to talk to her because I know something of what you re going through right now. I love you so much baby I don t want you to hurt like this. I don t want you to feel the emotional pain of abuse.
I love you too Bri but I don t understand what you re trying to tell me. He moved a little closer to me and in the light I could see the tear streaks down his face.
Noah and I had an abusive relationship.